Leg One

For those of you who think sailing is a glamorous way of travel where yachtsmen wear kakis and polo shirts with wind tussled hair and perfect tans, your crazy. Allow me to set the record straight on sailing and the ocean.

1. The views are great.

Yes, the curvature of the world is a great stretch for the eyes. The night watches specifically are beautiful with absolutely no light but the stars. Some nights I get to watch shooting stars explode in our atmosphere with chunks breaking off and bouncing across the sky. Ten days of nothing to look at, however, tends to make you want to see things. We cranked the engines to get out of the way of a huge ship; all we could see was the light of its bow. Wouldn't you know that huge boat began to rise in the sky? It was a bright planet. Your daydreams become very creative because you have nothing better to do but ponder.

2. Sailing is relaxing.

 Not true. I now know how a woman with morning sickness feels. Wake up sick and attempt to eat and drink. Sit for a bit and focus on not getting sick. Almost feel normal and then someone mentions egg salad or opens a ripe banana in your face and your head whips over the side just in time. Repeat till asleep. Even water made me ill. I like to think of everything I do as EXTREME. Extreme cooking where you never know when the boiling water will fly at you next. Extreme sleeping when you’re trying to pass out clinging to your mattress as the boat slams back and forth and out of your bunk you fly. Even extreme bathroom use, we have a steel bar bolted from the sink to the ceiling so you can sit down or brush your teeth without having your face bashed into the mirror suddenly. Constant motion, never still even when there's no wind. The amount of bruising on my body has become a tie-dye.

3. The ocean is great for outdoor fun.

Let me tell you something, the boat is made of steel. Steel gets hot. When the wind dies and you’re sitting on glassy water the temperature difference on deck in the shade compared to the sun is close to thirty degrees. Four people trying for shade that shrinks a foot every hour is insane. By noon whoever hasn't given up is curled like a cowering animal in a two foot space provided by a piece of canvas. Since we are going East the sun eventually hits you on its way down and every surface you touch burns just a little more. Go below to get out of the sun? Easy fix, except if the top is a frying pan the inside is an oven. No greater sensation than waking up covered in sweat and dehydrated, look forward to it every morning. The nights pose a different issue. While it does cool down, the humidity on the ocean is obviously going to be high. This creates dew that is half rain half vapor and causes you to be wet and sticky all night long, including your sheets. This exchange of extreme heat and then moisture is doing wonders for the mildew growing in my pillow.

4. Fresh produce hangs in baskets and meals are one of a kind.

 Fried spam with mustard, sweet pickles, canned beans with onions, and tang. If you're wondering what this meal is like coming back up, it’s just as great going down. Our fridge died and all the cold cuts and cheese we had went bad very fast, the smell was a spiritual experience, or at least I screamed “Oh God” before slamming the fridge and running upstairs for fresh air and a good dry heave.

5. You can go anywhere in the world on a boat.

Unless you have no way to move. Then you see the island but you have to wait two days to get to it and contemplate swimming twenty miles in the open ocean. You also can't walk ten feet away so after the crew members start getting stir-crazy and tiered of each other the swim sounds like a synch.

Although I've made this sound horrible there have been some good moments, like discovering how effective Dramamine can be. Also, we had a movie moment when we reached the current that pushed us north. Think of “Finding Nemo”, except instead of sea turtles it was a pod of about fifteen dolphins riding our bow with babies shooting out of the waves. I have also come to love smoked bacon, instant mashed potatoes, and Merita bread, they stay good forever.

I am enjoying the surreal nature of this experience too. When we have good wind and the terrifying night of clenching your bunk is over you wake up to a strange view. When the sail catches wind it pushes the boat to one side or the other. Adding waves to this factor the boat takes on strange angles. Imagine waking up and everything hanging is where gravity intends it to be while the rest of the room has shifted thirty some degrees to the left. First, you are either lying down and standing up or lying down and doing a headstand. When you get up, instead of standing on the floor, you are standing on the seem of the floor and the wall. Trying to climb the latter to the deck offers its own challenge of climbing at a diagonal. This is also where the metal bars in the bathroom and kitchen come into play; you can hold yourself from falling into the sink or, conversely, support your climb up to the sink. It's trippy without drugs.

 I find that there are exceptions to rules on the ocean. Example, we were sitting on completely calm water watching a storm produce a large tornado. Technically on the ocean these are called waterspouts. Regardless, with no wind to propel us from the storm in visual distance this was one of the few times the engines and precious fuel were used to escape possible disaster. I have also found there is no need to wash your face if using sunscreen with saltwater. My face has never looked better and I haven't had the stability to wash my face or the option to take a shower for ten days anyway. The smell, there is none. The four of us went through ten days of sweat and sailing and nothing. It might be that we all got rancid together so we can't smell it, but I prefer to think the ocean breeze keeps the nasty from creeping up.

Will let you know how Bermuda is next time,

Chris